I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
