my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
