I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
