So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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