umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
