ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
