I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
