So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
