Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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