I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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