remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
