I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
