I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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