Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
