i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
