She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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