I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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