You're earring is so big in my mouth
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
