I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
