I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
