do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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