I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so let's talk penis.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
