so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
