Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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