Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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