I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
