Don't make out with my wife yet
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
