how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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