..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
