i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i was born a porn star she said
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
