Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
