Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
