i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
is it fun? or sober?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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