what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
