I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
