Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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