He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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