There was a lot of him and a little penis
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
