it wasn't lemon gatorade
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
