Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
