we have officially lost it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
