I heard we made out
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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