i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
