Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
