So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
