my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
