Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
