and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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