I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
