Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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