Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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