I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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