i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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