I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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