my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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