3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
