Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
